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Posted by John Johnson III, your Friendly All State Dealer™ (4/25/2004)- Chaim! Leah! I'm so sorry this senseless tragedy had to occur. But I am also very very glad that you decided not to get our Shoteh Protection Package. If you had only paid the extra $5 per month in premiums, you would have gotten $1,000,000 in coverage with double indemnity on torchings by crazed maniacs. But you didn't so we don't have to pay a cent!!! Mwa HA HA HA! Oh sorry. Anyway, I hope this makes you reconsider your decision to waive alien abduction protection. You never know when that could come in handy. If there's anything we can do besides pay money, let us know. Your Friendly All State Dealer, John

Posted by Secret Swiss Bank (4/27/2004)- In response to you inquiry: If you don't have the proper transaction records, (I know! I know! "They burned in the fire") than we will neither acknowledge nor deny the existance of your money. And, regrettably, we will just have to keep your money if it indeed exists, a fact we will not acknowlege. In secrets we trust, Secret Swiss Banks

Posted by Dovid Govertzman (4/27/2004)- Oi Vay! Chaim. I'm very sorry that your house burned down and your insurance won't cover it. But I'm pretty sure I saw Yehudah Schwartz hand a torch to the shoteh shouting "Take this torch and throw it on his porch." Try collecting from him.

Posted by Yehudah Schwartz (4/29/2004)- Excuse me. But I believe I am not liable in the slightest because Yankle Greenwitz is not a shoteh, and there is no sheliach b'davar avairah.

Posted by Yonah Finkelstein (4/29/2004)- Not A Shoteh? The guy is constantly ripping his clothes. AND he sleeps in a cemetary. Sound like a classic shoteh to me.

Posted by Yehudah Schwartz (4/30/2004)- Um well, everyone rips his or her clothes sometimes. And I sleep in the cemetary all the time. But even so the mishnah clearly says "Patur b'dnei adam." And even if I am "chaiv b'dnei shamiyim", you'll never get a cent out of me.

Posted by Reish Lakish (circa 260 C.E.)- No, No, no. They didn't teach this except where he handed him a coal and he fanned it. But if he handed him a flame (torch) Chaiv. Looks like you got to pay up.

Posted by Rebbi Yochanan (Circa 260 C.E.)- Reish Lakish, you're crazy! Even if he handed him a flame (torch) Patur. What is the reason? The grip of the deaf person caused it. And he is not liable until he hands him thorns, wood chips, AND flame. For it is certain his deed caused it. I don't see any thorns, or wood chips.